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Lynxie

Coffee2words

I write, read and review, I blog frequently and love anything to do with books and writing, including editing. I am a Book Nerd and I wear that badge with pride.  http://coffee2words.wordpress.com

Currently reading

What Tomorrow May Bring
Deborah Rix, Shelbi Wescott, Joseph A. Turkot, David J. Normoyle, Cary Caffrey, Samantha Durante, Megan Thomason, Jenni Merritt, David Estes, Susan Kaye Quinn, Tony Bertauski

This generally good story was severely let down by the quality of writing.

The Knight and the Moon - Hunter Ryan

ETA: Hunter has addressed the typos listed at the bottom of my review. Bumping the rating to 3 stars.

The Knight and The Moon, is a short sci-fi story. It's heavy on the humor, heavy on the sci-fi norms, like space travel, laser guns, aliens and space suits.

Where it deviates from the norm is the immature fart jokes that run throughout the story. Immature yes, annoying no. The humor is light and while immature, a nice distraction from the straight-laced sci-fi tale.

You don't get a lot of characterisation, nor a great deal of scene building. What you do get is a lot of action, a lot of dialogue and an overall enjoyable read.

Certainly not a story for everyone, but if you go in with the idea for some light entertainment I think you'll find it.

This generally good story was severely let down by the quality of writing. Several instances of typos, missing words and missing punctuation that frustrated my inner editor. This would be a solid 3 star story with a good edit.

Some examples:

16% - "That's very kind, thank you(,)" said Php(.) He nodded...
...once the cargo is loaded(,)" said Orson,
24% - ...approached the air lock , (delete space before comma)
26% - ...bigger than I realised(,)" said Php
...helmet and putting (it) into a locker...
51% - He crouched next (to) a pallet...
58% - I need my suit(,)" said Orson...
Good work(,)" he said...
It was awkward for him to hold it (delete it) with...
63% - Killed someone, I mean(,)" asked Php...
66% - ...right now she was (delete she was) all she attracting...
68% - ... But Php was (delete was, insert remained) unscathed.
71% - Bullets were ricocheting off (change to: bullets ricocheted off)
"What do you require?" it(It) asked it (delete it, insert in) a neutral sounding (delete sounding) female voice.
"Affirmative(,)" said the pod computer passively (delete passively) as the...
76% - ...approaching wakefulness tentatively.. (Delete tentatively and the second full stop)
...his ship, but (delete but) the pain...
...that was hairy.." (Either delete extra full stop or add another to make ellipsis.)
An alarm was sounding (an alarm sounded - make it more immediate)
"Critical damage(,)" it said...
78% - ...with a first aid kid (kit)...
...porthole and looked out and was (try porthole, looked out, and was)
80% - "Let's go(,)" he said.
83% - ...south without finding anything in the nothingness (delete in the nothingness).
85% - ...Orson had remarked (delete had)...
87% - Orson was offering... (say Orson offered. It's more immediate)
94% - Orson was to be the first... (Orson intended to be first...)
"Thank the gods(,)" he said.
"It can(,)"
97% - ...decontamination process(,)", (delete second comma)