I write, read and review, I blog frequently and love anything to do with books and writing, including editing. I am a Book Nerd and I wear that badge with pride. http://coffee2words.wordpress.com
This is the first part of The Quest of Dragons and will most certainly be the last one I read by this author.
The list of issues I encountered in this 42 page story is almost longer than the story itself.
If you are thinking about being a writer, publishing books, please do not do what this author has done, and publish something that is barely but a first draft. EDIT YOUR WORK! Get someone else who is good at writing or editing to look it over.
Worst example of a story I've read so far! The only redeeming features, are the fact it was only 42 pages long and the fact that I paid nothing for it!
Things I noticed:
Issues including overuse of the same word in close sentences:
'Very well' is used excessively.
'Tree, deal, wall, Sapphire' all repeated too much.
'You will perish a long painful, agonising death.'
There's only four words too many in that sentence.
Changes in POV mid paragraph.
Use of 'He seen'. Wrong!
Some paragraphs are indented, while others not. This occurs the whole way through the story.
Continuity issues at 82%. The group fled with no supplies yet they unpacked supplies when they arrive at Taisai.
82% - wrong use of their:
'The three sat their(there) for a moment...'
86% - if Taisai is the multicultural hub described when they arrived, why would their presence be unusual?
93% - WTF?!? That is horse shit!